Yup, I did that thing where I get into too many things at once, buy a bunch of shit and then have no time to even open some of it. This sucks! Why can’t there be 50 hours in a day? I really need that “no sleep” pill to be invented already. All this crap and no time to use half of it. This is stupid. Or is it? No, it most certainly is, I’m just trying to throw some fake positive spin on it.
Then again, what is the alternative? I don’t think I have one. I’m not the kind of person that can “direct” my brain. I’m fucked up. I’m all over the place usually. When my brain decides to get into a mode I usually have no choice but to ride it out whether it be music or programming or whatever. If the brain wants to do something and it’s doing it well I find it best to just leave it alone and let it figure things out until it’s done. This is problematic though as too many things start inevitably pulling and tearing me away from the agenda… usually it’s the actual agenda that I should be sticking to.
Maybe I’m just doomed. Probably I would imagine. Been this way for 45 years. The only thing that even remotely calms the nonsense in my head is weed. At least when I smoke I’m not a nervous wreck overflowing with anxiety and a racing heartbeat. That’s the closest I get to calm and focused and I do get things done.
What is this post about anyway? Is it just some complaining from me? Is it just more nonsense? Am I looking for pity? Help? Anything? I don’t think it’s anything actually. This is just some verbal dribble that happens to be leaking out of me at around 6:30pm on a Friday in my office at the house here in Vegas. It means nothing. Just like everything. Nothing. Onward…